It seems as though every other thought I have is about my future apartment in New York, my future job in New York, or my future life in New York. Don’t get me wrong I’m totally living in the now…well, okay no I’m not. I’m consumed with the thought that the only consistent dream I’ve ever had is coming true this Fall. Needless to say the anxiety is at an all time high; am I going to find a job? What if I have to move before my lease is up? Can I afford it? Will there be any apartment that I actually like available? Is my credit even good enough? And so on. My boyfriend calls me obsessive. Maybe he is right, but haven’t you ever just been so passionate about something that you can’t focus on anything else?
The first time I went to Paris I felt this way. It probably doesn’t help that I over analyze and over think every possible thing. Over a year out from the trip all I could do was think about my outfits, the coffee shops, the croissants, the Parisian style…etc. Then it was over, and I was free to move on to my next obsession, carrying some amazing photos and memories with me.
Sometimes I feel silly when I talk about New York to people because I can hear what they are probably thinking. This is a stage, you’ll be back someday, you need to get it out of your system. Little do they know that from the time I was old enough to have time on the computer after school I was looking up jobs and apartments in the city. I’ve always wanted to work in fashion, but I’ve never known what specific area of the industry, I just knew I had to be in New York. All I ever pictured for my life was walking to work in chic little outfits, pushing through the grumbly crowds, being inspired at every turn. Maybe I’m wrong, and the most dramatic person on the planet, but I have a feeling that New York is not a “stage” for me.
It is a surreal feeling knowing that in a few short months my actual life, the life I have always envisioned, will start. I think maybe I stayed in the south to figure myself out a little bit more and discover what it is that I actually want to do, but every move I have ever taken was only to get where I am going this Fall.
I long for the nights where I’m sitting on our pull-out couch listening to horns honking outside, eating cheap Chinese delivery and watching tv with the exposed brick wall on the other side. Everyday I wake up and write, read, apply for jobs, research apartments…etc. I’m so tired of feeling nervous, because I know in my soul that it is where I’m supposed to be. I am just so ready. #bringitonnewyork
Taking it back to my first time ever in NY, I was 20. It was a school trip, and I cried the first time I saw the skyline.
And more recently…
Until next time NY..
(ps. anyone with advice on moving to the city, I’m ALL ears!)