Sometimes it feels as though I am narrating a movie in my head. I’m currently watching the flames from my essential-oil candles burn as I wonder if those oils are actually serving the purpose in which they advertise. It’s okay though, I’ve already convinced myself to believe in their powers regardless of whether or not they actually work. I don’t know if that is cynical or not, but it feels oddly optimistic in my head. I’ve also been burning sage to ward off evil sprits. A year ago I would’ve thought that was crazy, but I just moved to New York and I was raised on Law and Order SVU, so there it is.
It has almost been a month of living in New York and as much as I thought I would feel different, I feel a lot of the same. I’m just living in a cooler place. That being said, it has only been close to a month, so there hasn’t really been time for anything to develop. I guess I am impatient. That’s one of the major complaints with millennials today, among other characteristics like laziness, entitlement, and obsession with technology. I find this rather offensive though, because I am not impatient in the sense that I am angry that I haven’t created a tech startup company by the age of 25, and am worth 3.5 million, but I am impatient in that I can’t wait to figure out what my passion is. I know generations prior to mine would huff at this statement, but so what if we want to work in a field we are passionate about. I don’t want to waste my time slaving away at a 9-5 that I could care less about. That isn’t to say that I won’t start out small and go on coffee runs and file paper work and deliver mail, I just want to do that with a company or industry that I care about. I don’t know. One part of me wants to just travel the world. I’d write about it, and video tape it to share with the world. Part of me, though, wants to build an empire. That part of me wants to create a life that growing up, I could’ve never imagined. In an age where everyone wants to be an entrepreneur, a millionaire, a CEO, how do you determine what it is that is truly in your heart?
We are fueled by what we see on social media. I know before I fall asleep every night I do one last scroll through my social media apps, but I’m not sure why. This doesn’t necessarily make me feel inadequate or insecure, but it does make me a bit envious of some people’s resources. You guys know the ones I’m talking about…the skinny girl eating a burger on a fancy island(does she workout or is she naturally skinny? Either way, what a B****!), the couple that looks so unbelievably sickeningly perfect and in love, and don’t forget the blogger that sports Chanel, Gucci, and Céline on the daily. How did they figure it all out so soon? How do they know what they want? Are they really that in love? Should we be more that way? It presents so many insecurities that you didn’t even know you had. Typically when I scroll through these pages I get sick of how little it takes to impress the rest of the world. A skinny girl with enough money to get a gorgeous hair color treatment also has a gorgeous boyfriend and also only wears Loubitons and immediately we feel inadequate. If only we saw more social activists, more people doing work that truly leaves our world a better place. That’s not what we are drawn to though.
There is no doubt that this has something to do with the wandering mindset of our generation. We live in a place for a year and it hasn’t satisfied us, so we move on. Our boyfriends don’t bring us flowers and we blame them because we secretly feel less than that girl we saw on Instagram, whose boyfriend had flowers delivered to her office. We work somewhere for two months and think, this isn’t me, this doesn’t fulfill me!
There has got to be a balance here. I recently agreed to a temporary position at a company because I didn’t want to pass up something that could be coming my way soon. This could really work in my favor, or it could backfire and leave me in another month-long job search. I have decided that I am quite happy with my decision. I do not care that as I scroll through other people’s social media pages I see titles like Attorney, PR Director, and Business Analyst. It is their time to know what they want. It is their time to work a job that they may not be terribly happy at, but feel pressured to stay at. It is my time to figure who I am and what I want. It is my time to be proud of the fact that at 25 years old I just made the only dream I’ve ever had come true, moving to New York. It is my time to be 25, and by 25 I mean what 25 is in today’s time. I am proud of what I have done and what I will do. I back my own decisions and answer to no one. I am beginning to understand what it means to not care what anyone else thinks and what it feels like to figure out exactly who you are. I encourage everyone that feels like you aren’t good enough, or you are behind, or you’re never going to find your true passion, to embrace your current situation. Embrace your choices and who you are, and where you’re going.
Long story short, we’re doing just fine. Stay focused and true to yourself and it’ll all pan out. Happy New Year, and may this be the year that my fellow wandering 20-somethings find their passions and become the best version of yourselves.